new poem - Cleaning List

clear out junk cupboard
dump out catch-all drawer
give away poor fitting clothes
throw ratty sneakers
sell lonely guitar on Craigslist
cash in gold with jeweler
give away rock collection

    You might find room for the unexpected.

burn old greeting cards
donate a box of random
isolate photos in one box
toss wilted bouquet
fling musty blankets
put empty vases aside
bundle papers for pulp

    You might find room for the unexpected.
    Life expands to fill every void.

un-bury secrets near tree roots
air dirty laundry
shake lose unseen pests
walk skeletons out of closet
sweep cobwebs everywhere
open doors for breeze
show fears the sun

    You might find room for the unexpected.
    Life expands to fill every void.
    Anticipate all the newness to come.

Grateful Today For...

Love's return;

she is great to be around
though she often brings her
bitchy friends, pain and confusion.

Crow calls
and snow flurries
over a peaceful field
that remind me my senses
are sources of beauty.

Friends who
make demands of our time
which we welcome because
we know they will answer
when we too are in need.

Thinking, creating
and wondering;
my often over-active mind
is the tool I use
to sort, experience, and
use the world around me.

Family can
sometimes help with
a cliche phrase like
"It will be okay"
when I am
most confused.

My healthy body;
I never know when
this will change.

-----
Note:  I gave one group of my students a prompt yesterday to write about what they were grateful for.  I think of gratitude as being more significant and deeper.  Thankfulness denotes appreciation for what happened because it was expected or appreciation that what was feared didn't happen.  Gratitude is about being appreciative of what you are given/have regardless of whether it was expected or not. 

Yesterday I didn't have the time to sit down and write this out with my students like I wanted to.  I'm actually kind of glad for that because I definitely need to remind myself of all of the good things in my life whether I expected them or not.  I also like the idea of being grateful because since it takes our expectations out of the equation it is an act of letting go of our illusion of control.

The way I explained it to my students is that you can be thankful for warm fuzzy slippers while what you are grateful for should be the things that bring a deeper meaning to your life and add to the richness of your life.

New Poem - When Can I Say?

    Afraid to, even though
    in this moment I'm tempted.

When is it no longer too soon?

    Caring about someone means
    giving up control, while
    being wanted gives strength.

Do I wait until after Thanksgiving? 

    After you've met family,
    understand more, and
    still choose me.

And what about your family?

    I can get away with telling you
    "I'm falling" and "What if he's
    madly in love with you?" 

But why bullshit ourselves?

    We know it now; so, we can say
    it when we choose, say it when
    the words will mean something new.

Is that on Christmas day? 

    Our lives might be without precedent
    for such a situation but
    life is full of examples.

I think the world is patient enough for that?

    Our new year could start with
    a new phrase in our relationship.

New Poem - Too Right To Be Scared

The last woman in
my arms was dying.
Now, your response
to my touch reawakened
the joys of mingled flesh.  

I feel vulnerable, but I'm crying
happy tears.
I want so much, but I thought
I had quit trying.

Met you months ago and
never thought we'd be here. 
Now, being in each others'
arms seems inevitable.  How
lucky to have this chance.

I feel exhausted, and I'm writing
weepy poetry.
I want so much, but I thought
I had quit trying.

That you are possible and real
is why I stayed up all night.
Now, I have memories of
you trying to sleep and of
how close we can be. 

I feel anticipation, and I'm saying
"Thank You."
I want so much, but I thought
I had quit trying.

A Place Of Respite In A Chaotic World

I was settling into the routine of the classroom as a student teacher on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.  As much as I wanted to panic, I had to remain calm. One young woman chose to stay with me in the “quiet” room rather than watch the news because her mother worked for the Department of Defense and was in the Pentagon that day. It took seven days to find out her mother was alive and well.

I will never forget the intensity of that day and those that immediately followed. I learned that regardless of maturity level, the students still need me to set the emotional thermostat of the room. The content that I teach is important; the content of my character as a model for my students is more important. It wouldn't be right to say I find something to “love” in each of my high school students. For one thing, they can be annoying, egotistical, and confrontational. However, I believe my students need me to acknowledge their humanity while calmly leading our learning efforts.

I sometimes think of my students as characters in a novel; I am naturally drawn to the characters that experience the greatest change in personality, understanding, and/or disposition. Even my dependable, stable, and focused students are coping with the difficult transition from childhood to young adulthood. Some students have to deal with additional upheavals in their world as well; I am fascinated by the resiliency and drive of these students who must struggle. I know that I have something to learn in their successes and their failures.

At first it was a continual battle to get Steve to take off his hat, and when he took it off, the hat magically popped back on his head. As a “reader” of this character I inferred that the hat was about something more to him but I had to be careful not to jump to conclusions. Over a quarter we developed a good working relationship because I remained calm and took time to talk about his interests. He would take his hat off for me and take part in class.

When Steve's mother came in for parent teacher conferences she gave me more pieces of his story.  She started crying as she told me about how they had been homeless for the previous three months. Steve's hat, an adolescent version of a security blanket, was one of few things he owned.  Steve couldn't explain it to me; emotions are confusing like that. If I had yelled, written him up, sent him to the office, or in some other way broken our relationship over a ridiculous hat policy, he would have never worked for me again.  I would have crushed his already weak ego.

I am only part of a small segment of my students’ developmental journey. Often I am reminded that the goal is progress not perfection. My students appreciate having a calm, kind, and understanding person to turn to in their chaotic lives; for some, my classroom is the only respite they get from a noisy world that reduces them to a set of numbers.