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Friday, July 08, 2011

Poem - When I Tell You

Introductory Note:

Today, Colleen would have turned 52.  I have been searching for words to put down on this day; nothing profound or even pedestrian came to me.

So I started looking through my poetry scrap heap and I found this poem.  Colleen and I had a very good relationship, better than most.  That doesn't mean that we didn't have our rough spots.  I have long since forgotten the specific circumstances that led me to write this poem but I remember the feelings that inspired it.
No relationship is flawless, and the flaws that any couple must deal with are particular to that couple.  It would be a disservice to not remember the hardships that Colleen and I did overcome.  Rose colored glasses make everything look fake and unreal.   They cheapen a life's actual value by making everything less satisfying and rewarding.  Colleen was no saint and neither am I; we were two equally flawed people who happened to find a little bit of happiness in our time together.  Learning to cope with or forgive each others' flaws made us better people.

When I tell you the
small details of my day
I am looking for validation;
I am looking for someone
to say that I’m not crazy for feeling
the things that I feel.

You get angry,
you get overwhelmed by my over analysis
(is that like saying that you
don’t care?);
it is saying that I am

I touch you with love
and the hurt and pain
come from somewhere,
somewhere other than me
and yet the anger
and fear are
aimed at me.

I get angry,
I get confused,
it is like saying that you
don’t love me;
it is saying that I am

Can what we will never
have be replaced by
what we do have?
The ongoing discussion
leads me to believe;
it all leads me to believe…

We get angry,
we get confused,
it is like saying we
don’t matter;
it is saying that I am
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